


make of our hands, one hand

by r1ker



Category: Midnight Special (2016)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 09:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6511897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r1ker/pseuds/r1ker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gleecast/onehandoneheart.html</p></blockquote>





	make of our hands, one hand

The first night together he and Roy fall asleep facing each other.

 

Behind them on the nightstand of this particular hotel room a lamp glows on its lowest setting, casting what's not dark with the night pouring in from the window in a soft yellow haze. Lucas can see all of the shadows being thrown about on Roy's face. In certain places but not others there's heavy darkness that could be the absence of light, the absence of rest, of comfort. One of his hands reaches out to touch and it comes to rest on a soft cheek. Something in him gives in to the urge to laugh a little. Roy was never one to grow a beard.

 

"What are you laughing at, huh?" Roy smiles at him and Lucas feels like they never saw their way out of being teenagers. Lucas shakes his head like he'd do without those extra twenty years, that time apart. He scoots closer to Roy on the mattress, smoothing out the sheets between them on his way to press their fronts together. "Oh, so that's what you wanted. Be close to me because it's been too long, yeah?"

 

"You'll excuse me if I make up for lost time," Lucas mumbles into the soft skin at Roy's bare shoulder. He sighs when Roy's hands rest against the back of his head, thumb just right at the nape of his neck to send shivers down his spine. "That should mean sleep but I can't go to sleep." Lucas thinks for a second he hears a murmured _why's that, babe_ so he answers without prompt also out of an urge to voice aloud what's been toiling in him for years. "I close my eyes you'll be gone again."

 

Roy sighs above him, pulls the blanket keeping them both warm tighter around Lucas instead. Beneath the rest of the sheets his feet shuffle closer to Lucas's, pull back a little when he's met with cold toes instead. He bites back the light noise of surprise that comes from that and makes a noise of dissent into the bristle of Lucas's hair in response to his statement. "I'm not going anywhere unless you and Alton are with me, I promise you."

 

Lucas knows, he knows there's not going to be a pickup truck in the cover of night with Roy pleading in the back. That's not going to happen again; the reverend's dead, the ranch is boarded up and waiting to be sold to some poor bastard that had no idea what happened in it, the good and the bad, the tears and the times Lucas held Roy up with his legs around Lucas's waist.

 

"You're too good for me," Lucas confesses mostly to himself. For all he's done, had to seen and hear, there's no possible explanation for why he was given Roy. He's not going to say he was on God's good side for once. To him God is a circle devoid of sides, not just good ones, but none making any actual sense. This he saw in the bodies packed with gravel and loose tissue on the side of the road, the tears that hung heavy on Roy's face when he was taken away, the _Return to Sender_ stamps in red ink on the attempts Lucas made to try and get him back. "All I did, all I could've done, all I needed to do doesn't add up."

 

"We do things in life that don't add up most of the time," Roy explains in that same quiet tone he'd use in the past to bring Lucas down from the sky when he was meant to stay on land. His are soft words that don't seem to be much of a breath of syllables against the air. "You do something, you're missing a constant. You see something you ought not to, there goes a remainder. You go twenty years without the one you love and you find yourself with a lot more equations you've got to solve before the teacher lets you out for recess. But you did it. I did it, we all did it. We solved it and now we don't have to worry about going back and checking our answers to make sure they're right. No one can tell us they're wrong, after all, because we made sure we did it by the numbers so that there wouldn't be a shadow of a doubt."

 

At that Lucas pulls back, kisses Roy like they're trying to hide it from classes still inside the cafeteria at lunch. It's a long little affair, nowhere near as quick as when Lucas was trying to devise the first of many ways to stick his tongue down Roy's throat. That had left them both without air much like it's doing now, so much so that Lucas is the one that has to pull back first. Roy blinks slow, pupils dilated.

 

"I did it by the numbers," he says breathlessly. Lucas kisses him again, hugs himself tightly onto Roy like it's the only thing keeping him in this world and not the other his mind's forged for him over many years. He can still feel himself tiptoeing towards it the less he has contact with Roy, and he huddles closer to stave off falling back into that hole. "I did it right, I did it how I was supposed to, the only way I knew how." Both of his hands bury in Roy's hair, finds it just as soft and lush as it was all those years ago when he was busy combing it into waves Lucas wished he could bury his nose in. Now he can.

 

"Only thing I ever knew how to do," Lucas confesses once the fervor's died down to a dull roar. Now they still face each other, Roy's thumb stroking mindlessly over Lucas's collarbone. "Was to love you. Trooper academy was a fucking fluke, a fat chance against what I was really meant to do." God does he know he's in deep, always has been, up to his neck at least. He wouldn't have it any other way, his feet unable to gain tread in the way being with Roy makes him feel. First it had crept up his waist, gestures of commitment the day he'd kissed him at high noon on a day in October 199-something. Now he wades through it all with Roy, all the more willing to live the rest of his life in the water where it's free rather on land where it's constricted.

**Author's Note:**

> http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/gleecast/onehandoneheart.html


End file.
